Why today was better than yesterday

The past few weeks have been really tough. Last week Emily was here, which took some of the sting out of Caroline's crankiness, but since she left it has been brutal. For some reason, the kid has decided not to nap (and don't you love how now she's "the kid" since her behavior is less than desirable?). Plus, having Erin home on Spring Break has been really hard on everyone - I especially need schedule and routine to function properly.

Today was tolerable. And quick while I have a few minutes to myself, here are a few reasons why:

1) Sunday night I finally sat down and made a new 12-week meal plan. I always make a weekly meal plan but before Caroline was born I sat down and planned ahead, anticipating some rough weeks. It made things so much easier those first few months. Now that we're back to infantile unpredictability, why shouldn't I do one more thing to make life easier?

2) Last night I spent about 2 hours setting things out on the dining table for school today. I needed to have things for Erin to do while I was teaching Luke, and I needed to have things for them both to do independently while I was attending to Miss Cranky Pants. It's 4 pm now and we actually got through everything! Guess what I'll be doing again tonight?

3) Before I go to bed each night I make a "to do" list for the next day. It occurred to me that a shorter list would mean less guilt/frustration when it didn't all get checked off. Duh. My list today (which I made known to the kids so they could help) was: Supper, Laundry, Dishes, School. So far so good - just need to fold the laundry.

4) Along with a shorter list, I need to lower my expectations. Not that I'm accepting defeat, just accepting that not everything is urgent and important right now (remember those charts of how to prioritize?). The house may be a little messy but everyone is fed and clothed (although I did decide this morning at 6 am that extra sleep was more important than a shower - I'm glad I made that decision).

5) Yesterday while I was cleaning off the desk I found an envelope of encouraging notes my friends had written for me at my baby shower last fall. They were meant to be saved for such a time as this. I cried a little reading them, but I'm keeping them out now to read frequently.

6) Last night right before bed I checked email and Facebook. I don't know why I did (probably a God thing), but I clicked on a link to a blogpost by my friend and former student, Kayte. She helped me see that I am in the puberty of motherhood and can allow myself some time to get good. I know it sounds like a funny concept - read the post and be encouraged like I was.

7) I remembered today something my friend Brian used to do with his middle school students to help them have more subjects for writing projects. He would have them wear around their neck a little notepad and pencil for a whole week and write down pretty much everything. I don't need ideas for writing assignments, but writing down everything to be thankful for today helped immensely so I'm keeping my little notepad out on the counter. I'm pretty sure that's part of the theme of the current book I'm reading, too (but don't have much time to read so I don't know for sure).

8) ROUTINE! SCHEDULE! Today we didn't go anywhere this morning. The only thing we have to do is T-ball at 6:30 and I planned ahead with a crock pot meal. Everything seemed to go a little better because I planned ahead. Imagine that. In the back of my head I heard, "Plan for the worst. Hope for the best." So far it hasn't been the best, but it has been by FAR better than the worst.

And the number 1 reason why today was better than yesterday:
CAROLINE IS ON HER SECOND NAP OF THE DAY!

All I can say is God is good. All the time.

Welcome to Our World

Ever since I became a mother, Christmas has had a different meaning for me. Looking at my tiny babies and seeing how helpless they were made the humility of Jesus' incarnation a bit more intense and precious. That he would voluntarily leave heaven to become someone who cried when he was hungry or needed his diaper changed is a bit overwhelming to think about sometimes, especially when I think about the fact that he did it for ME.

Becoming a mother has also made me empathize with Mary a bit more, too. That she would look on that fragile finger, tender brow and feel the tiny heart beating, knowing that her son was different, was GOD, and that she was responsible for his upbringing and care. Wow. I thought I felt a lot of pressure with my 3.

Yesterday was Christmas. I've felt really overwhelmed lately. Homeschooling, a baby, a 4-year-old who constantly toes the line then crosses it defiantly. This year I felt that I hadn't done a good job of building meaningful traditions for my children. I remembered things my own family did and wondered what my kids would remember about Christmases when they are older.

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

I cried a bit. And then I realized that the memories I was recalling were from my high school and college years. I don't even remember Christmas when I was very young except for a few feelings and one memory of a present I found and pretended I didn't know about. 5-year-old feigned surprise. I'm sure my parents saw right through it.

After talking to my pastor's wife on Christmas morning and my brother later that evening, it occurred to me that a) my kids had a pretty memorable day and spent all of December (and November!) anticipating it and b) the traditions I treasure most with my family were done when my mom didn't have babies and toddlers but children who could help her get things done. Luke & Erin weren't disappointed that I didn't decorate more or make a more complicated meal (we had homemade pizza, eaten in shifts because Caroline cried all afternoon and evening). They're 6 & 4 - we made ShrinkyDink ornaments for the dining room light and put on the red chair slipcovers on Christmas Eve so the house would look festive in the morning. Maybe next year we'll add another new thing and eventually they'll add up to our own traditions. This year was simple. Jesus' birth day was pretty simple, too.

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

I hope that my children understand more about "long-awaiting" than just another sticker on the calendar to mark off another day passed, or another magnet up on the fridge advent scene, or another chocolate behind a paper door. I hope that Jesus isn't a Holy Stranger to them, but someone who is at home with us. I hope they feel a hunger in their souls and understand how Jesus fills it. I hope they understand how much Jesus gave up to be with us on Earth and for us to be with him in Heaven. I hope they see the connection between Christmas and Easter and how the one doesn't really make much sense without the other. Because isn't Christmas about hope, REAL hope?

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

Happy Holidays. Bite Me.

I know, I know. It's not the nicest title, but you'll get it in a minute. It has several levels of meaning.

Yesterday was the first foray into the world of Christmas cookie baking this year. I had an easy recipe that souped up a cookie mix I had lurking in the cupboard. We mixed it up, I got out the cookie press, we squeezed out some cookies and the kids each put sprinkles on a tray of chocolate stars.

Here's Erin wondering why her sprinkles won't come out.
I didn't open it until I could help her with it. She's 2 - I'm not stupid.

Here's Luke carefully putting sprinkles on each cookie
(he had just spilled some all over the floor and was now being extra careful).

We put the cookies in the oven and then I allowed them to watch a few of their favorite clips on YouTube while we waited. We had just heard "White Christmas" in the car and they wanted to watch the clips of "Sisters" from the movie - they especially like the part when the guys dance to the record.

Next follows a succession of mistakes on my part. First mistake - let them sit next to each other in the same chair.

I was in the kitchen taking out a pan from the oven (second mistake - leave them alone in the same room for 2 seconds) and started to hear Erin winding up - she wanted to watch "the boys" again & I told her to wait a minute (third mistake - it only takes a second for her to get into trouble). Again, SHE'S 2 (and maybe I AM stupid) - she doesn't know the meaning of the word "wait." So she leaned over and clamped her little mouth onto Luke's shoulder and held on. All of a sudden I heard screaming and when I ran into the room she was still clamped on. I had to pry the little stinker off!! Through his shirt she had broken skin and left a perfect little imprint of her teeth. Get it now? Bite me? ARGH!!

After about 20 minutes of screaming and crying (from both kids) they finally settled down, apologized and sat down to sample our wares. Get it? Bite me?

Look closely through the fuzz of the unfocused picture - see the red-rimmed eyes?

It's pretty much how things go these days. I am a-weary of it. That's why I'm feeling especially sarcastic. So bite me.

Playing together

Right now, Luke and Erin play together well about 50% of the time. The other 50% they are fighting. I'm trying to stay a "glass half full" person right now because both kids are at really challenging stages discipline-wise, so I took some pictures the other day when they were playing nicely to remind myself that they don't always fight.

Luke was very proud of himself for building this track by himself. He usually needs me to help him figure out how to make the 2 ends meet.

Surprisingly, he did not fuss when Erin wanted to play, too.

He showed her how to move the trains on the track and how to keep them from falling off.

Just trying to stay positive here. I keep telling myself, "this won't last forever."

Kukui

I've put off writing this post mostly because I don't know what to say. However, some of you were wondering what happened with Kukui so I thought I would write a little and share some pictures.

To put it bluntly, Kukui had a bathroom problem. In the past year he had begun peeing around the house and we had to throw out several things that he ruined, some not so cheap. When we returned from Michigan in June he had soaked our living room couch several times as well as a few other places/things in the house. We decided to have him put to sleep, a difficult decision and one that many people would disagree with. I won't go into all the reasons why we decided this, but know that it was not easy.

Anyway, here are some pictures. We got Kukui in July of 2001 when he was about 6 months old. We didn't have a digital camera yet then so I don't have any pictures on the computer of when he was really little. This first one is when we were redoing the upstairs bedroom before Luke was born. Meisje was about a month old.

Meisje's first snow.

April 2005

July 2005

July 2006 - Luke's new rocking chair

Apparently Kukui liked the new rocking chair too!


I took this picture in about November 2006. We were working on re-doing our bedroom and I went looking for Luke. I found that he had climbed into his crib with a bunch of books and was using Kukui as a pillow.

A little morbid, but this is where Kukui is now. After the vet put him to sleep, Alec took him home in the box that he came home in originally. He and Luke dug a hole in the backyard and we buried him there behind the bench. Luke did surprisingly well and understood (for the most part) what had happened and why. He still says he missed Kukui every now and then, but I think he has adjusted OK. I think Alec has had a harder time; Kukui was really his friend (maybe even his first kid!). He doesn't talk much about it, but I know he misses him.

A New (Out)Look

So you can see I've changed the blog. I've been blogging for 4 years now and thought it was time for a face lift. "Wai Hale" is just the literal translation of "water house" into Hawaiian (I think). The picture is of Bathtub Beach, Kipu Kai, Kauai - backyard of the family ranch.

I haven't been blogging much lately because things around here have been pretty awful. However, in retrospective, I think that writing about it may have helped a little. I'm not too good at stepping back from a situation and thinking about it objectively. I tend to get bogged down and depressed about it, instead of thinking up a creative solution.

After a particularly bad night last night (2nd peanut butter sandwich supper in a week because Erin falls apart after her nap and I haven't been pro-active enough with meal planning) Alec and I ate something I pulled out of the freezer and talked a bit about what's happening. Then I did my Bible study for the week on 1 John 4. First I read in my commentary:

Once again, John reminds his readers of the old commandment to love one another (3:11) . John recognizes a perfect example in his Master, who had washed the dirty, dusty feet of His disciples and then given Himself into the hands of His opponents to be humiliated and crucified (3:16). One reason for the tremendous impact that Christ's teachings have had on the world is that He never failed to practice what He preached. His glorious example of love motivates us to love one another.

Then I read:

We're not always responsible for our emotions, which can be affected by everything from what we heard on the evening news to what we had for dinner. But we are responsible for our attitudes, which are determined by deliberate choices of our will. Right attitudes result in right actions. If, by an act of our will, we choose to think and act as God commands, He will eventually bring our emotions into conformity and enable us to obediently love not just "with words or tongue but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18).

Then I read in 1 John:

⁷Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹²No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I began to feel very convicted of my own deep selfishness. I have a really bad attitude about many of the things that are happening in our family right now. If I could see another's perspective and love regardless of how I feel about the situation, things might be a little more sane around here.

Also, I have decided to plan more (meals, activities, etc.) and set a fairly strict schedule and see how that improves my very cranky daughter. She is so clingy right now - and at the most inopportune times - and it drives my crazy. Some of it is related to hunger, which throws me because Luke used to be that way about sleep. If he was tired, nothing mattered, only that he took a nap. Erin gets irrational when she is hungry so I think I need to wake her from her nap earlier and give her a snack before supper. I think this may be better for all of us too, since my doctor told me I should stay on a diabetic diet (to be proactive in prevention) and regular snacks are part of that.

Well, it's about time to wake the kids and get ready for CBS. I'll be doing some more thinking here later, but here are a few recent pictures for the folks.

Playing with Auntie Em (very old picture)

Coloring Easter eggs at church

Playing cowboy with friends - poor Bessie

Using goggles in the tub - the new fun thing to do

Listening to "Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle" in Luke's bed - lasted about 5 minutes before they were out giggling and playing

Taking the neighbor kids to "Rita's" in the Model A - last weekend was gorgeous

Erin wearing Mommy's gardening hat

Variation on a theme

Not exactly sitting under something, but close.


Today I decided to let Erin play with play-doh for the first time. I've been apprehensive about letting her since she puts everything in her mouth, but she did pretty well. I saw her try to eat some a couple times, but I scolded her and she didn't try it again. I saw her pull a face so maybe it helped that she's such a picky eater.

Kept both of them busy long enough for me to bring in the groceries and put everything away. It's nice to have such intense kids sometimes.


And here are the promised hummus-eating pictures.


I guess no one told her that chickpeas are vegetables. She just thinks it's "dip."


Right before this picture, I asked Erin to say "cheese."

And another nice one of Luke, who doesn't like to be left out of the picture-taking festivities.


Neither of them ate more than a couple bites of supper tonight. As I was laying with Luke after we put him to bed he said, "I'm a little bit more hungry, mom." I told him breakfast was in a few hours and he should've eaten more of his supper. I hope Erin doesn't wake up hungry in the middle of the night.

Making progress

There have been a few quiet "hallelujahs" at supper lately. On Monday Erin ate the same chicken we were eating (even though it was dipped in ketchup). Last night she ate meatballs with spaghetti sauce. Up until now I have been preparing separate meals for her because she is so dang picky. I decided I wasn't going to do it anymore. She's almost 2 and she won't starve. I'll give her healthy snacks that she will eat and make sure there's at least one thing on the table at supper that she likes, but I'm not going out of my way anymore. She still won't eat any vegetables (although on Monday Alec got her to eat a carrot by dipping it in ketchup and telling her it was a fry) and she won't eat other stuff Luke likes. She won't even eat pasta! If I can get her to try one new thing each night (without her spitting it out or throwing it on the floor or squishing it up) I will consider the meal a success.

Last night since Luke ate everything he declared he was going to have ice cream for dessert. It was fine with me, but I didn't want Erin to have any. I put some vanilla yogurt in a bowl and she figured she was having dessert like everyone else. Wonder how long we can keep that charade going.


After supper, Erin went into the laundry room and found Alec's work boots. She was wearing a plastic fireman hat and then Alec put his gloves on her. It was pretty funny to watch her walk around with all that stuff on.

The boots were finally too much for her to handle and she toppled over.


And not to be outdone . . .


Acting goofy